I believe Burberry used to be a brand with a bit of class about it. Pity that today in the public mind wearing their check has become so linked with salt-of-the-earth working class youngsters like our beer-swilling friend here - aka ‘chavs’, ‘neds’, or ‘schemies’.

But maybe that’s appropriate, going by my recent experience. From a company that I’d expect to behave with professionalism and dignity, came a quite remarkably nasty, and frankly stupid, bit of corporate thuggery. So in the time-honoured custom of giving the bully a bit of a deserved biff on the nose, here’s the full story…

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A poll of local people by a TV company found that around 60% of respondents in Berwick-upon-Tweed (just across the border with England) would prefer to be legally Scottish rather than English, whilst the local newspaper’s polling found the figure to be nearly 80%. Well, they’ve swapped allegiance over a dozen times in their history aleady, so why not again?

Well, one reason to hesitate is that the reason given most to pollsters was to take advantage of Scotland’s more generous social benefits, more than a burning cultural allegiance. In other words, greed. Do we really want to encourage a new form of economic migration by foreign spongers? Oops, sorry, got a nasty touch of the DailyMails there!

More seriously, there are certainly questions to be asked about how long-lasting this new loyalty might be. For example, if Scotland were to elect the Conservatives to power and England put George Galloway’s party into Downing Street (hey, stranger things have happened - though admittedly not many) would they then want back again? I think as part of any referendum they’d have to sign up to some sort of covenant swearing they wouldn’t change their minds within, say, 100 years.

And more seriously still, why stop there? It’s often been suggested that Newcastle might prefer to join Scotland than England, for example. After all, it’s far closer to Edinburgh than London geographically, and many would say culturally too. Has anyone actually done the polling to find out? And while we’re at it, what about Manchester? Birmingham?… Guildford?… Heck, who’d want to be administered by London?!!

The Scottish police yesterday announced that from now on it will “not be in the public interest” to pursue housebreakers who hold their hands up when caught red-handed with bags of swag; muggers will be let off scot-free if they apologise after taking the money; and arsonists will now be allowed to burn down any buildings they like, provided they aren’t caught doing so more than once. The reason is that each will have taken “significant steps” to comply with the law.

No, I just made it up. This is obvious nonsense, of course. But it is the same remarkable double-think by which the body responsible for protecting democracy, the Electoral Commission, has just announced that Wendy Alexander is not to be prosecuted for corruption - despite her own admission that she broke the law by accepting a large ‘donation’ (note, NOT a bribe!) from an overseas businessman. Apparently it wouldn’t be in the public interest for a political party leader who takes illegal donations to be prosecuted. Why? It might scare other politicians into being more careful before accepting bribes, and then where are their slush funds going to come from?

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The Scottish Government has just decided that their drugs policy will henceforth be based on “promoting abstinence”. Good plan guys!

This from the same politicians of course who themselves mostly take hard drugs almost every day. No, I’m not accusing Uncle Alex of being a junkie. Just pointing out that alcohol is by far our most serious drug problem. Violence. Accidents. Public nuisance. NHS costs. Bereavements. The ill-effects of heroin, ecstacy, and cannabis combined aren’t even in the same ballpark.

This presumably takes its inspiration from the storming success of the US-led War on Drugs, which as we all know is close to achieving a formal surrender by the Great Leader of the Drugs Army. Well, there has to be a drugs army doesn’t there if there’s to be a war on them… I mean, you can’t wage war on a category of products. Or is this perhaps a sign of hyperbolic muddled thinking?

Let’s take this further…

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Edinburgh-based Scottish & Newcastle, Scotland’s last major independent and one of the UK’s largest brewers, yesterday agreed to sell up to a consortium of Heineken and Carlsberg, for the trifling sum of around eight billion pounds ($16b US). According to the screaming headlines, so ends 250 years of brewing tradition in Scotland.

Great Scottish names like Kingfisher, Fosters, Newcastle Brown, Beamish, John Smith’s, and Kronenburg will apparently now fall into foreign hands. Whilst beer connoisseur’s delights like McEwan’s Export are at risk of having their, erm, traditional recipe could be turned into just another faceless brand. Pull the other one!

The truth is that S&N sold out as a traditional brewer years ago, and was already no more than another global conglomerate with no loyalty to its origins. The scent of hops that in my youth used to waft over Edinburgh hasn’t been smelled since they ruthlessly shut down an entire industry in their home town to cash in on the land for housing. Most of what they produce is cynical factory-formula packaging of foreign brands tasting nothing like their indigenous originals, designed to cash in on trend-victims’ obsession with labels. And let’s face it, McEwan’s is industrial pish.

For anyone who actually cares about beer, I can name half a dozen great

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I can’t help noticing the banner ” The Best Small Country in the World” - but what does it mean ?

Jack McConnell promised us : Scotland has a great future. We have one of the best educated workforces in the world with 50 per cent of our young people going into higher education. We are world leaders in many modern industries including financial services, life sciences, oil and gas. We have some of the world’s most breathtaking landscapes and a quality of life that is hard to beat. But if we are to compete in the global economy and secure our future prosperity, we need to tackle urgently the single biggest challenge to our future success.

On 25 February 2004 in a statement to parliament he said: “We want to grow our economy and we want our country to grow too - in profile, image and stature. “Nurturing and retaining home-grown talent, encouraging ex-Scots back home and attracting fresh talent to our country sends a very strong signal to the world - that Scotland is back on the map and making her mark.

“It is a bold step for a small devolved country like ours to take, but one I am confident our people will rise to. For centuries we have been welcomed overseas. Now it is time for Scotland to be as welcoming in return. Our message is clear. If you have ambitions and you want to live and work in a dynamic country with a good quality of life, then this is the time, and Scotland is the place.”

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Donald Trump’s plans to build a massive housing estate on a coastal nature reserve north of Aberdeen is still very much alive. The (unelected) Chief Executive of Aberdeenshire yesterday publicly backed Alex Salmond’s decision to “call in” the democratically elected local planning committee’s rejection of the plans. Our First Minister wants to overturn (oops, ‘review’) that decision, after private meetings with Mr Trump’s people which have been widely criticised as ‘sleazy’.

Doubtless the lure of a billion dollars (sounds bigger in US currency) “investment” in the local economy sounds great to planners responsible for easy ways to create ‘jobs’… especially when dressed up as a glitzy golf course (for which we’re currently so badly provided in Scotland). And I can almost understand how provincial media, politicians and bureaucrats are so easily seduced into permanently destroying our priceless heritage by the supposed glamour of dealing with an experienced developer like Mr Trump.

But I feel let down by Alex Salmond. Perhaps naively, I’d have hoped for better from him. This sort of ‘development opportunity’ asks big questions about the sort of nation we are, and want to be. Do we really just see our future measured only as consumers of economic output, selling our real long-term assets for a quick buck, knowing the price of everything but the value of nothing. Or shouldn’t we be thinking more twenty-first century? Isn’t Scotland a place where ‘quality of life’ should count as well as ‘standard of living’? Can’t we shape a nation in which irreplaceable nature reserves that give our natural landscape its character are recognised to have real value, even if the economists can’t count the tourist dollars? Come on Alex - be a Local Hero!